childhood

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artists i like

i really like various artists. i usually take my time to explore and experience what others make. through music and such, i think it's absolutely a beautiful thing to make songs. i have been talentless on making songs ever since i was little, i can indeed play an instrument.. but i do not have talent for singing, song making, or such things like that. i can only scream through music, that is all.

artists i really enjoy are like alex g, mitski, tv girl, radiohead, weezer, deftones, whirr, slipknot, various others honestly if you look onto my profile. i love alex g and tv girl the most though, i really enjoy both of their music. i variously relate to a lot of songs from both of these artists and i really like how they write them each. i like how song makers put such poems together, old quotes, or things that make us feel something.

i can entirely just block out my life and be with music, it is a heavy coping mechanism for me since i deal with both adhd and autism (i mostly prefer wearing headphones out in public) i've been trying to get used to without having them, but i freak out if i do not have them with me. i usually always need music to work, draw, and anything really. i cannot stand silence, it makes me entirely uncomfortable and i always have to have something to play in the background.

having adhd and autism is quite difficult at a lot of times, i sometimes wish i could learn stuff easily and not give up. it takes quite a long time for me to adjust to a social setting, and most of the time i usually use my hands for talking. (hand gestures, i am still trying to learn ASL since i go nonverbal in situations) it's really difficult and sometimes i wish i was normal. i know like, nobody is normal in this world. i mean by doing things that other people can do. here's an example: most people can tie their shoes, i cannot. even no matter how many tries, no matter how many people i watch to learn, no matter if a video i see demonstrates me it, i am just. unavailable to learn how to tie my shoes.

i usually need someone to help me and it's really embarrassing. my boyfriend usually ties my shoes for me, and i feel embarrassed about it because i am 16, and i should be able to do this. i hate how i haven't learned things easily that i was supposed to already learn. i wish i could understand things and not be slow at it. i really wish.

- sunny